How Do I Pray When I Do Not Know How?

The relief of an easy definition

People come to prayer carrying a lot of unspoken pressure. We imagine a formal language we do not know, a posture we may get wrong, a kind of person who is good at it. Many give up before starting because they feel they would be doing it badly.

Here is the simplest definition we know, and it is true: prayer is talking with God. That is all. Not talking at Him, not performing for Him, not reading Him a speech. Talking with Him, the way you would speak to someone who loves you and is listening. The details can come later. If you have only the next five minutes, they are enough.

The earliest disciples were in your position. They had watched Jesus pray, and something about it was unlike anything they had seen. They did not ask Him to teach them theology. They asked for this.

“And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.”

Lord, teach us to pray. If you have asked that sentence in any form, you are exactly where the disciples were, and Jesus answered them. He will answer you.

Four things to say

If you are staring at a blank, here is a structure so ordinary that it fits on one hand. You do not have to use it in order or at all, but many beginners find it a handrail.

• Thank. Begin with something you are grateful for, however small. A cup of coffee, a person, a quiet morning, the fact that you are here. Thanks turns your attention off your trouble and toward the Giver.
• Tell the truth. Say what is actually going on, including the parts you are not proud of. God knows already; saying it is for you. If you are angry, say so. If you are afraid, say so. If you are sorry, say so.
• Ask. Bring your needs and the needs of others. Jesus said to ask, and it is an act of trust. You are allowed to ask for ordinary things.
• Listen. Be quiet for a minute. You may not hear anything, and that is all right. You are practicing being in His company.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:”

Ask, seek, knock. Those three words are not complicated, and they are Jesus' own. He is describing a posture of expectancy, as of a child who knows that a parent is home.

You can pray in your own words

There is a place for ancient and beautiful prayers, and we will come to one. But the first thing to know is that God hears plain speech. Jesus warned against praying to be seen, or in many empty words, and recommended something simple.

“But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

A closet in those days was an inner room, the quietest place a household had. The point is not the furniture. It is that this conversation is private, honest, and not for display. The Father sees what is done in secret, and He is not grading your vocabulary.

If you are not sure whether to speak aloud or in your head, either is fine. Some people find it helps to talk out loud, or to write their prayers in a notebook like a letter. Some pray while walking, driving, or washing dishes. There is no wrong place.

The prayer Jesus gave

When His disciples asked, Jesus gave them a model. It is short and rich, and Christians around the world have prayed it for twenty centuries. Here is how it begins.

“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.”

The whole prayer is worth reading in Matthew 6 and Luke 11. You might read it once slowly, then pray it in your own words, phrase by phrase. It begins by addressing God as Father, which is itself an invitation: you may speak to Him as a child to a parent. It asks that God's name be honored, His kingdom come, and His will be done. It asks for daily bread, forgiveness, and protection. That sequence is a school of prayer in itself: first who He is, then what we need. If you would like to go slowly through it, what is the Lord's Prayer is a gentle guide.

When you do not have the words

There are seasons, and moments, when words will not come. Grief does this. So does exhaustion, or fear, or a faith that feels thin. The Bible has something for exactly this.

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

The Spirit helps our infirmities. When you do not know what to pray, the Spirit prays with you and for you, with sighs too deep for words. That means that even a groan, even silence, even "God, help" can be real prayer. Some of the most honest prayers in the Bible are very short.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

You can pray a single verse. You can pray a breath: in, "Jesus," out, "have mercy." You can open the Psalms and pray someone else's words, which is what believers have done for thousands of years. The Psalms give voice to joy, rage, fear, and despair, and they teach that none of it is too much for God. How to pray the Psalms shows you how.

What if I pray and nothing happens

This is the question underneath most prayer struggles. A few honest things can be said.

First, prayer is not a vending machine. It is a relationship, and relationships do not run by formula. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, sometimes wait, and sometimes it comes in a form we did not expect. The Bible does not hide how hard waiting can be.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”

Second, much of what prayer does is to change the one praying. Over time you may find that you see differently, that fear loosens, that you are kinder than you were. These are among the fruits Christians describe.

Third, do not stop because of silence. Many of the great believers describe seasons of dryness. You keep showing up, the way you keep showing up for someone who is hard to hear. If you are struggling with this specifically, does God hear my prayers? is for you.

What if I do not even believe yet

Then pray anyway, in the tentative form: "God, if You are there, I would like to know You." This is an honest prayer and the Bible honors it. The chapter is God real, and can I ask? begins here, and how to pray when you do not believe goes on.

A few small habits that help

• Pick a time. Morning, lunch, bedtime. Pray at the same time each day for a week and see how it feels.
• Start small. Two minutes counts. Better a small habit that lasts than a long one that collapses.
• Use Scripture. Read a verse, then speak it back to God in your own words.
• Pray with another person. Prayer is easier in company. Ask a friend to pray with you, or ask a church or a community to pray for you.
• Keep a list. Write down what you pray for. Later, when something changes, you will see it.
• Forgive yourself for distraction. Your mind will wander. When it does, return, without scolding.

Praying for others

One of the most beautiful things about prayer is that it is not only about us. You can pray for a friend in trouble, for the sick, for your enemies, for the world. Jesus told His followers to pray for those who mistreat them, which is among the hardest and most transforming acts there is. If you want to pray for someone and are not sure how, how to pray for someone offers simple ways to begin.

Praying with others on Living Bread

If you would like to pray with real people, rather than alone, Living Bread has rooms for that: you can bring a request and be prayed for by the family, and you can pray for others. Nothing about prayer there is sold or tracked. We explain this plainly in how Living Bread walks with you. But you do not need an app to pray. You can start where you are, with the sentence below.

Where to go next

More on the site: How to prayHow do I pray?I do not know how to prayFirst time prayingPray for someonePrayers for every needAsk for prayer

Back to the whole guide: How to come to Christ