A one another command
Be Kindly Affectioned One to Another
In Romans, Paul paints a picture of what genuine love looks like inside the church, and one brushstroke is that believers be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love, going first in showing honor. The word carries the warmth of family tenderness. He is describing a community that treats one another not as strangers or rivals but as beloved siblings in one household.
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;”Romans 12:10
What it means
This asks for real warmth, the deep, tender affection that runs between family members who genuinely like and cherish each other. It is more than politeness or tolerance. It means you actually delight in your brothers and sisters in Christ, feel their joys and sorrows as your own, and treat them with the affection you would give a dear relative. Paul pairs it with going first in honor, meaning you take the initiative to esteem others, to notice and name their worth, to prefer them ahead of yourself in the small daily contests of pride. It is a family feeling made visible in how you greet, welcome, defer to, and cherish the people God has joined to you.
How Christ did it first
Jesus was not ashamed to call us brothers. Though He is the eternal Son, He drew near with astonishing tenderness, feeling compassion until it moved Him to tears, gathering children into His arms, weeping with mourners, sharing meals with outcasts as though they were family. He honored the overlooked, the woman at the well, the tax collector in the tree, and gave them dignity no one else would. On the cross He gave His mother a new son and His disciple a new mother, knitting a family from His own wounds. Through Him we are adopted into the household of God, and the tender affection He asks us to show one another is the very warmth with which He first embraced us.
How to live it
Treat a fellow believer today with the warmth you would give a beloved sibling, not cool distance. Greet people by name and mean it. Go first in honor: notice someone's good and say it out loud before they have to earn your regard. Prefer another's preference over your own in some small thing. Welcome the newcomer and the awkward one as family. Let genuine affection, not mere manners, shape how you treat the people God has made your brothers and sisters.
Questions people ask
What if I do not naturally feel affection for people at church?
Affection can grow where it does not yet exist. Move toward people through shared meals, shared burdens, and honest conversation, and warmth often follows nearness. Ask God to give you His heart for them. Remember they are family by the blood of Christ before they are family by feeling, and treating them as beloved siblings tends to birth the very affection you lack.
What does it mean to go first in honoring one another?
It means you take the initiative to esteem others rather than waiting to be honored yourself. You notice their gifts and name them, you defer in small matters of pride, you speak well of them. Instead of competing for recognition, you compete to give it away. This breaks the quiet rivalry that spoils community and reflects how Christ honored the lowly before they deserved it.