The one another commands

Bear with One Another

A command of Christ for his church · Colossians 3:13

Bear with one another is the call to be patient with each other's faults and to forgive quickly, for love's sake. Paul says, forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any. To bear with someone is to put up with their weaknesses without giving up on them, and to keep the peace when they irritate or wound us.

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.Colossians 3:13 (KJV)

What this command means

To forbear is to endure patiently, to make allowance for another's failings, to hold your tongue and your temper when someone tries you. Paul joins it to forgiveness: bear with each other, and forgive each other. Life together means constant friction, and forbearance is the patience that keeps that friction from becoming fire.

This is not indifference or the refusal to ever address wrong. It is the choice to cover a multitude of small faults with love, to be slow to take offense, and to give people room to be imperfect. It puts on, as Paul says just before, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness, meekness, and longsuffering.

Why it matters for the church

Every real community runs on forbearance, because everyone in it is flawed. People will annoy us, disappoint us, and fail us, not now and then but constantly, simply by being human and close. A church survives that closeness only if its members are patient with each other. Without forbearance, the body would tear itself apart over a thousand small offenses.

Forbearance also creates safety. In a community where people bear with each other, you are allowed to be a work in progress. You can grow slowly, fail sometimes, and still belong. That patience is the soil in which real change happens, far more than harsh, impatient correction ever could.

Forbearance is love stretched over time, and time is exactly what other people's growth requires. Paul prays that believers would walk worthy of the Lord with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love. It is patient love that gives a brother room to change slowly, trusting that God is not finished with him, just as he is not finished with us.

How we fail at it

We fail by being easily offended and quick to react. We take small slights as great wrongs, keep short accounts with God but long ones with each other, and let irritation harden into resentment. We demand of others a perfection we do not have ourselves.

We also fail by giving up on people. When someone repeatedly disappoints us, we write them off rather than bear with them. But love, Paul says, suffers long. To stop bearing with a difficult brother is to stop loving him, and none of us would want others to stop bearing with us.

How Christ enables it

Christ bears with us with astonishing patience. Paul grounds the command in him: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. He is longsuffering toward us, slow to anger, patient with our repeated failures, never giving up on his own. He has borne with us far more than we will ever have to bear with anyone.

Remembering how patiently Christ bears with our faults makes us patient with the faults of others. We have been forgiven so much, and are still so far from finished, that we have no standing to be harsh. His long patience toward us becomes the pattern and the power of our patience toward each other.

Christ bears with us with astonishing patience, and Paul grounds the command directly in him: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. He is longsuffering toward us, slow to anger, patient with our repeated failures, and he never gives up on his own. He has borne with us far more than we will ever be asked to bear with anyone. Remembering how patiently he endures our faults makes us patient with the faults of others, for we have been forgiven so much, and are still so far from finished, that we have no standing to be harsh.

How to live it

Grow slow to take offense. When someone irritates or fails you, make allowance, remembering your own faults and how much you need others to bear with them. Cover small offenses in silence rather than airing every grievance.

When there is a real quarrel, forgive quickly and do not let it fester; settle accounts before the sun goes down. Give people room to grow and refuse to give up on the difficult. Ask God for the longsuffering love that Christ has shown you, and extend it to the very people who test your patience most.

Grow slow to take offense, making allowance for others' faults as you would want them to make allowance for yours, remembering how far from finished you are yourself. Cover small offenses in silence rather than airing every grievance, and give people room to grow at their own pace. When there is a real quarrel, forgive quickly and settle it before the sun goes down, refusing to let resentment harden overnight. Do not give up on the difficult; love suffers long. Ask God for the patient, enduring love that Christ has shown you, and then extend it to the very people who test you most. A church survives the friction of life together only because its members have learned to be patient with each other, day after ordinary day.

Related commands: Forgive one another · Accept one another · Be humble toward one another · All the one another commands