Grace

Does God still love me after what I have done?

Yes. Nothing you have done places you beyond the love of God. Not the thing you cannot say out loud. His love for you does not rise and fall with your worst day.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life... nor things present, nor things to come... shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9

The cross already answered this

Jesus did not die for people who had it together. He died for the very thing you are ashamed of. Forgiveness is not earned by cleaning yourself up first; it is received, as a gift, exactly as you are.

You can ask someone to pray with you, or begin again quietly. Grace is real, and it is for you.